MY FAULT

Depression quote - I miss me. The old me, the happy me, the bright me, the smiling me, the laughing me, the gone me.

Honestly, I am sick and tired of myself. I keep letting my parents, my teachers and myself down. I am everything a person shouldn’t be- ugly, unhealthy, inconsistent, stupid, unsocial, awkward, careless…. Yeah, last month I tried to be as consistent as possible with gym and my diet. Then I got into the best college in my city, the one I wanted to get into since grade 11 and I recently got a beautiful laptop, but somehow I feel so incomplete, worthless, stupid, and lazy (all times). It’s like I attract problems all the time. I stopped drinking water and going to the gym again. I don’t practice guitar anymore because I am afraid to take it out of the case and play to see that I don’t play it as good as I used to anymore. My sister, who I forced to join guitar classes with me and taught her different guitar strumming and picking patterns, now plays 10 times better than me.

Depression quote - It all starts with not wanting to get out of bed, that’s how you know you’re getting bad again.

I am sick of looking myself in the mirror to see an overweight girl with a face full of pimples and dry skin. I don’t like to wear new clothes anymore or go shopping. I don’t like to put on makeup since it won’t make me look any pretty. I also don’t want anyone to tell me that I am beautiful because I know that all of this is my fault. I don’t take responsibility of my problems, I lose hope too quick, I get bored too quick and then I stop fighting. The problem is I know what I should do and why I should do them, but in the end, I end up in bed with my mobile in my hands.

One thing that I have realized is, just as no one can make you become the best version of yourself but you, similarly, no one can make you believe how beautiful you are, but you. I know that when I start going to the gym regularly, practice guitar daily and attend guitar class every week, that is when I’ll truly feel beautiful and happy.

Thank you for taking time to check out my post. I’m sorry I don’t post as often. You can probably tell that I am trying to get a grip on my life. I’ll let you know when i’m successful xx

 

 

 

 

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